Well into my 30s now, I thought I had more time to do things and accomplish a few goals while navigating the sometimes tumultuous corporate ladder. However, this New Year brought with it quite a different plan.
Surprise!! Um… is that a +?
(Blink. Blink.) No…it can’t be. Really?!
Um…Yep! Pretty sure that’s an effin’ +! (Heartbeat racing.)
Surely, some sort of error? You’ve done something wrong, dummy. (Googling false positives and back checking my calendar)
Stupid! This is what you get for buying the cheap tests. Try it again. And again. Ok…one last time. Different outcome and relief coming any moment now…
Nope! Still a + . AHHHH!!! Noooooo!!!!
What am I gonna do now? After crying about it for a few weeks on and off and a few minor freak outs, I thought, “OK. You really need to get it together! Are you seriously upset over this?” Once the doctor’s office confirmed it, I really didn’t want to tell. I really didn’t want to talk about it and I had a hard time accepting any kind of Congratulations! without having to fake a smile. “Are you excited?” people would ask and as more found out (nearly 500+ on my FB post) they were all happy and probably thinking “Well…it’s about darn time!”
So why wasn’t I?
Inside I was freaking out and dare I admit… I didn’t want this. I am just not ready. Oh, what a horrible person to be so selfish and ungrateful for what many regard as a blessing. I dreaded some tough conversations ahead of me and I didn’t want to have them. I put it off until about 12 weeks and managed to make it through and in lots of ways, they weren’t nearly as bad as I thought. Our parents though were thrilled- 1st grand baby on my side and the 4th on his.
Now as I am half way through, we found out we’re having a BOY! And in the same week, it seems my tummy has been filled with a full size basketball. WHAM– better get used to it–ready or not! Nothing fits right and most days I feel BLAH and yet I hear “I’ve got a glow!” Although, I am pretty opinionated about the non-beauties of pregnancy. How do people enjoy this? So here we are… doesn’t matter all the blog posts I thought were worthy of There’s Always Somethin’ before…there will really be some stuff now!